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Improving Intimacy in Marriage 

                                                                              Sex and romance in marriage

 

True romance is based on loving the whole person, not just skin-deep but soul-deep.”

 

 

Sex And Intimacy


When I speak to married couples I always like to say that marriage is just like purchasing a motor veichle. If you buy it then just drive month after month never stopping to service it one fine day it will break down on you. So is marriage no matter how wonderful it begins, if you never take the time to service your marriage it will break down on you. Intimacy & romance are the​ servicing tools for marriage.

 

Why do men and women get married? Such a simple question deserves a profoundly simple answer – because they want to share their lives with a spouse in a very intimate way. As humans we yearn to be close to another, to be fully known, yet despite this, to be unconditionally loved.  

“Intimacy” includes physical closeness and to many this quickly gets translated to meaning a sexual relationship. Of course married love includes sex, as it should, but long married couples will often relate that the sexual part of their relationship is only one of many ways they are intimate with each other.

Other forms of intimacy are emotional, intellectual, heart- to- heart conversations, working together at common goals, and spiritual intimacy. True marital intimacy usually involves being honest with your spouse and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Because you know your spouse well and trust him/her not to hurt you, you are willing to give yourself completely and risk the unknown.

In emotional intimacy a couple shares their joys, fears, frustrations, sorrows and, yes, anger with each other. This doesn’t mean that spouses yell and scream at each other- or, worse, hit each other- but it does mean that hard feelings can be shared, too. The challenge is to find ways to do this respectfully. It can be scary at times to let down one’s emotional guard, but when trust is developed over time, it feels safe. Emotional intimacy is one of the strongest bonders in a marriage. It is violated when a spouse shares intimate thoughts and feelings with a friend, co- worker, or on- line. This can feel like betrayal even though it doesn’t involve sexual infidelity.

Intellectual intimacy comes when spouses share a vibrant life of the mind with each other. It may be discussing a book, movie, or play, dissecting all the nuances of the plot and symbolism. It might be the high of attending a concert together that stirred your souls. It might be knowing that you share similar opinions on social, political, or religious issues. It’s not a matter of equivalent education, but rather equivalent thirst for knowledge that feeds your common spirit.

Heart- to- heart conversations might be the way that you develop emotional or intellectual intimacy, but sometimes the conversations might not be about anything that momentous. It might just be sharing the stuff of everyday life. What concerns are you carrying about your child? Is there a decision to make about a job or a move? Is there a joke that you know your spouse will understand even though it’s not laugh out loud funny?

Sometimes deep intimacy can come without words. It may be a knowing glance as you drive along the highway, and you appreciate the view together, or a long consoling hug when a tragedy strikes your family. It can also be the feeling of satisfaction when doing yard work, household repairs, or working on a social cause together.

Spiritual intimacy should not be dismissed as too esoteric or something just for “holy people.” Prayer is a personal encounter with God. Letting your spouse peek into a sliver of that relationship by saying heartfelt prayers of petition or thanks together is the beginning of becoming soul- mates.

 Of course, there is sexual intimacy. This physical intimacy is so special and profound because it lays bare our bodies in their beauty and imperfection for the pleasure of our spouse. Such a private moment. Such a momentous act of total self-giving and trust that we don’t share with anyone else. It celebrates our joy and stirs us out of apathy. The possibility of new life being born from this loving act is a miracle almost beyond comprehension.

Being human, we are not perfect. At times we’ll fall short of the ideal of never hurting our spouse. There may be times when trust between spouses is broken. At times like this a couple must reach deeply into their reserve of love, change what needs to be changed, and ask forgiveness. That too, is an intimate act.

What is Romance?  Romance is the expressive and pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person associated with love.

In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one's strong romantic love, or one's deep and strong emotional desires to connect with another person intimately or romantically.

Historically, the term "romance" originates with the medieval ideal of chivalry as set out in its Romance literature.    

 

The Bible does not focus only on the negatives of sex like fornication and adultery but say quite a bit about sexual intimacy in marriage. I strongly encourage couples to take some time and read through Songs of Solomon together. 

 

Scriptures about sexual intimacy and romance.

 

 

Genesis 2 vs. 25

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.      

 

Proverbs 5:19 
A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Song of Solomon 1:2 
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. (NIV)

Song of Solomon 4:10 
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! (NIV)  

Song of Solomon 4:11

Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.

1st Corinthians 7: 3

 

The husband should fulfil his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfil her husband's needs.

 

 

6 Tips For A More Sensual Marriage From Solomon

 

One of the ways the Bible seems to have limited believers is in the marriage relationship. Specifically, marital sex.

Too often, the focus in this area has been solely on the pitfalls and prohibition of premarital and extramarital sex.

The problem with the sole focus of sex till later is that it doesn’t cover the beauty and passion sex can contribute to a marriage. There are many people who struggle with sex. They feel dirty or trampy. It’s shrouded in guilt and shame.

Did you know that there is a little book in the Bible that can be useful for unlocking more in marital sex? In fact, this book is only 117 verses tucked away in the Old Testament.

The Song Of Solomon.

A love story of a man and a woman. The Song of Solomon is also thought of as the love story between God and His people. For the sake of this article, I’m not going to attempt to exegete this book, rather I am going to use some of it’s message that can be applied to marriage.

If you take the time and simply read through the book, you’ll notice the poetic language used. Often seen as erotic and sensual. It’s important to note however, that no reputable scholar considers the Song of Solomon to be erotic literature. It is a love story. And from this story, there are several points we can learn for our own marriage.

 

1.     Pay attention to your sexual life. Every aspect of our life affects the other parts of life. We take time for our physical health, our mental health, and so on. How much effort is spent on your sexual health? Talk with your spouse about your sex life.

2.     There is a clear progression both of self-understanding of the lovers, and in their relationship as the story unfolds. As any marriage unfolds, you learn more and more about yourself and your spouse. This can be either a blessing or a curse. It depends on how you look at it. If you focus on your self-understanding more than your spouse, you have potential for more in marriage.

3.     Use beautiful language. Another occurrence as the marriage progresses is the tendency for both members to become too comfortable and lazy. Rather than romanticizing your spouse with poems or loving thoughts, at the end of a long day, the topic of sex is brought up in the phrase “wanna do it?”

4.     It’s OK for Christian men and women to enjoy sex. This may seem like a no brainer point, but there are many people who still feel dirty or guilty when it comes to sex. Most often this is women, but the Song of Solomon combats this idea in 5:10-16 where you find the woman responding to the man by describing her view of him. Earlier in chapter 4 she invites her lover into her garden to make it his own and enjoy its fruits.

5.     Take your time. Throughout chapters 4, 5 and 7 you find the man and woman describing each other’s bodies. You’ll also see that the man works his way down her form, then back up. Imagine if during your sexual encounter together, you took the time to massage, caress, and/or kiss slowly all the way down her body, then worked your way back up. And building from point 4, this is not exclusive to the man.

(Look at ch. 7)

6.     Keep the bedroom special. Much of this love story takes place in the bedroom. There are many things that can bring a negative energy to the bedroom. The bedroom should be for sleeping and love-making, nothing else! Never argue there. Never discipline the children there. Never pay the bills there. Honour this room as a special room in the house. Teach your children to respect the privacy of this room as well. Teach them that if the door is closed while mom and dad are in there, they are spending some special time together. But won’t they wonder what’s going on and want to figure it out? What better way to teach them healthy attitudes about sex. (This doesn’t mean sex must only happen in the bedroom, be adventurous in using other places in the house if appropriate.) 

 

 

One of the best ways a couple can seriously enhance romance and intimacy is learning the art of giving each other an erotic body massage. It helps each person to not just to focus on getting but giving pleasure to the other spouse and is a GREAT way of enhancing foreplay and achieving powerful orgasms. This PDF document gives some detailed instructions on how to do this so just download and sit together and learn. For the most part the information is very good with photographs, I don't advocate the yoga stuff in it but that can be ignored and focus on the main information and instructions.

 

Beside it is a video produced with 2 married couples demonstrating erotic massage techniques and how it benefits couples. It is very explicit, everything is shown so if you feel you might be offended by seeing it just pass it by. However I believe there is value in actually seeing a live demonstration of the techniques bear in mind it's designed to provide instructions in techniques, it doesn't mean you have to respond exactly as the couples in the video. I do recommend that both persons watch together however none should be forced to watch and if one finds it offensive in any way please show love and decline from watching. 

Also you'll see how a husband or wife can manually stimulate a spouse to achieve an orgasm. This is especially good not only as foreplay but in place of intercourse when a wife is unable to have intercourse during period, or where a partner desires sex more than another. It's a loving and unselfish way to pleasure your spouse in those instances. Of course it doesn't have to be done only while giving a massage.

 

The Oral sex issue

Now you would have noticed in the video that one of the wives at a point gave her husband a little oral pleasure. Oral sex is one of the issues often raised and the question asked "Is it okay for married couples to do oral sex, especially Christians. I'll say a few words from my perspective then below is a video where a pastor answers the questions I believe it to be one of the best answers I've come across. Despite the efforts of many especially some pastors to use even scriptures to say that it's a sin even in marriage I totally disagree and believe that scriptures are taken out of context 

in an effort to support their personal views.

 

I personally believe it's a very special, intimate and sexually powerful way to express deep intimacy in marriage.As long as both persons are in agreement, there should be no forcing of anything on ones partner. Yet I encourage a willingness to be open and try what you've never tried before as long as THE BIBLE  doesn't forbid it. With all due respect to Pastors and other church leaders they do not have the right to impose their personal views on your marriage.I'll allow this pastor to answer further, I'll then share some tips about it. As you know I'm not as conservative in talking about these matters, as mentioned before even in scripture sexual matters is dealt with very explicitly especially in Songs Of Solomon. I must point out though that one of the reasons why some speak against it is because oral sex is a big feature in porn videos. However it existed long before porn. Truth is porn makes good things in sex look bad and bad things look good. 

How to Give Your Wife Cunnilingus (Oral Sex) From Marriage Bed Tips Site   

The head of a woman’s clitoris, which is only about the size of a small pea, has a staggering 8,000 nerve endings; twice as many as the head of her husband’s penis! Her clitoris‘ sole purpose is to give her pleasure. It serves no other function than to bring her pure bliss. Most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone. Although intercourse is very stimulating, most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.

A husband’s tongue can create more sensations than any other part of his body. It’s warm, wet, soft, textured surface is the perfect tool for clitoral stimulation. See where I’m going with this? Yes, a husband with a skilled tongue can give his wife great blessings in their marriage bed.

Men and women are wired very differently, especially sexually. What works for him probably won’t work for her. This post will guide the husband through the process of great cunnilingus. Here’s an overview of the process:

  1. Start with getting into the proper position for giving and receiving cunnilingus.

  2. Once everyone is properly situated and comfortable, we move on to the “first kiss” to get things started.

  3. Next, we’ll show you how to establish a rhythm for the rest of the journey.

  4. Once a good rhythm has been established we’ll show you how to start building lots of tension that will hopefully be released as the big O in the near future.

  5. After sufficient tension has built up, it’s time to supercharge your techniques and push her to the edge of orgasm.

  6. When she’s almost there, it’s time for pre-orgasm techniques to maximize the stimulation.

  7. And finally she’ll explode and melt into orgasmic bliss.

For the Apprehensive Spouse

We are bombarded with commercials about the importance of feminine “freshness”, and we’ve all heard the “fish” jokes. Because of this, many women are uneasy about their husbands going down there. In reality, a woman’s genitals have a self-cleaning system that’s more sanitary than many other parts of her body, including her mouth. One of the reasons she’s often lubricated, even when she’s not aroused, is because those secretions are part of her vagina’s way of keeping it bacteria-free.

Wives

If you’re apprehensive about your hubby going down there, here are a few things that might help. Take a bath/shower before getting intimate. Keep a box of unscented baby wipes near the bed so you can freshen up right before he takes the plunge. Relax. If your husband is willing to bless you with cunnilingus, LET HIM, trust me!

Tip: Wear a blindfold while receiving cunnilingus. Wearing a blindfold serves two purposes. It removes some of the awkwardness you might be feeling by not being able to watch him so you can concentrate on receiving his blessing. Removing your sense of sight heightens your other senses allowing you to enjoy his blessing even more.

Husbands

Don’t worry, she’s clean down there. Scientific studies have shown that a woman’s vagina is cleaner than her mouth. If she’s the one who’s apprehensive about receiving cunnilingus, make sure she knows how much you enjoy blessing her.

Before You Jump In Head First

Listen up husbands. Believe it or not, THIS is the most important section of this post. Sexually speaking, a woman is not like a man who can drop what he’s doing and make love to his wife. She needs to be in “the mood”. It’s VERY important to spend ample time getting her in “the mood”. Make sure all the chores are done, the kids are asleep or at grandma’s house, and the bedroom door is locked if others are in the house. Lighting some candles and giving her a long sensual massage will go a long way in getting her in “the mood”. If she’s worried about being heard, run a fan or play some romantic music.

Once she’s in “the mood” she can thoroughly enjoy your very skillful tongue skills to the fullest.

Getting Into Position

Her Body

She should lay flat on her back with a few pillows under her head and shoulders with her legs bent at the knee and spread comfortably apart, but not too far. Her legs should be closer together than farther apart so she can have full control of her pelvic muscles. She needs to be completely at ease and relaxed: able to focus on the pure bliss her husband is giving her without any distraction — physical or mental. Her pelvis should be tilted slightly up so her genitals are easily accessible to her husband. A pillow propped under her butt will help with blood flow to her pelvic region, as well as give her husband easier access to her vulva.

His Body

He needs to have enough space to stretch out and be comfortable. She’ll probably have to be pushed up as close as possible to the headboard of the bed. If you’re on the floor, make sure there’s lots of cushioning beneath both of you. Place a pillow under your “working hands” so they are as comfortable and as close to her vulva as possible. Position yourself vertically to her vulva. Your bodies, taken together, should form a straight line. All in all, you should feel perfectly comfortable performing a range of motions: licking for long periods of time, sliding your hands underneath her butt, lifting her legs and rocking her to and fro, placing a hand on her belly, and turning her body from side to side.

His Head

Great cunnilingus involves more than just the use of your tongue. You need to be able to get your whole face in there. Your nose should be buried lightly in her mound, with your upper lip resting firmly against the edge of her pubic bone. You should easily be able to use your upper lip and gum to give light pressure against the area just above her clitoris where her outer lips meet. Your tongue should easily be able to rest against her vagina and cover its entire expanse. You’ll need to be able to apply a full range of motions with your tongue: from long vigorous licks to deft persistent flicks, from keeping it flat to applying focused tongue-tip pressure. All in all, you should be completely involved with her vulva; on top of it, buried in it: face, mouth, nose, gums, teeth, and tongue.

 

Don’t settle for anything less than total comfort and total access. You’ll both know you’re in the right cunnilingus position when she’s able to comfortably look down and watch him work, and he’s able to look up, without breaking the flow of action and make eye contact with her.

Cunnilingus Positions

First and foremost, great cunnilingus must be delivered from a position that enables the husband to comfortably apply persistent, rhythmic pressure over a long period while his wife relaxes into the pure bliss of his expert cunnilingus. One of the main reasons men say they don’t give their wives cunnilingus more often and longer is because of the physical strain it puts on them. The Straight On Low cunnilingus position is our recommended position for giving and receiving cunnilingus.

The cunnilingus positions listed below are worth a try too when you want to change things up a bit.

  • Straight On High – Classic cunnilingus oral sex position with easy access to her entire vulva.

  • T-Cross – Great access all around her clitoris.

  • Legs Together – Great for women with very sensitive clitoris.

  • Her Leg Over His – Intimate position where she feels more connected.

  • Loving the Prize – Intimate connected position that’s easy on his neck.

  • Downward Dog – A difficult position that’s easy on his neck.

We also have several cunnilingus positions at our sister site ChristianFriendlySexPositions.com.

Communication Is Important

I don’t know about you, but I can’t read my spouse’s mind, and my spouse can’t read mine. Communication between the both of you during cunnilingus is very important. Wives, if he’s doing something that feels good, give him a moan. If it feels really good, moan louder. Husbands, if your wife says don’t stop, that doesn’t mean go faster or harder, it means keep doing EXACTLY what you’re doing, and don’t stop!

First Kiss

Remember the anticipation you felt before the first time you and your spouse kissed? Remember how it felt when that first kiss happened? Great cunnilingus is all about building tension that will be released later as an orgasm. A good time to start building that tension is just before the first contact with her vulva.

  • If she’s still wearing panties, kiss her through them.

  • Gently run your fingers through her pubic hair.

  • Kiss her softly on the inner thighs. Your kisses should be little succulent smacks (lips pursed, no tongue).

  • After a while, move your kisses into the area around her vulva.

  • Breathe the warm air from your mouth on her entire vulva.

  • Blow, very gently on her clitoral head.

At this point, she should be relaxed and ready with anticipation of what’s to come. Before the first kiss make sure she knows how excited you are to be able to please her, how beautiful she looks, and how much this turns you on too.

CAUTION: Never, under ANY circumstances, blow into your wife’s vagina as though trying to fill it with air. Doing so is SERIOUSLYdangerous, and can cause an embolism that can lead to death.

The Kiss

Make your first lick a slow and tender “ice cream” lick from the bottom of her vulva to the top. Make sure your first lick is long and lasting.

  • Start at the base of her vulva, and work your way up.

  • As you kiss her slowly from top to bottom, press your finger lightly against her perineum (the skin between the bottom of her vulva and her anus). Place your other hand atop her mons pubis and nudge it gently toward her abdomen.

  • Take in the full length of her labia minora (inner lips) and let your tongue pause briefly against her frenulum (the area just under her clitoral head).

  • As your tongue goes over her clitoral head, brush it lightly as a feather.

  • Once you pass her clitoris, push down on her commissure with the tip of your tongue and feel her clitoral shaft beneath it.

Now that you’ve lavished her with your “first kiss”, let your tongue rest flat against the length of her entire vulva. Take a moment to let the experience of your “first kiss” resonate.

Establishing a Rhythm

Your “first kiss” will definitely leave her wanting much more. At this point, most husbands make the mistake of sprinting to the finish instead of pacing themselves. They hone in on her clitoris and give it as much direct stimulation as they know how. It’s time to show her you can go the distance. This is a marathon, not a sprint to the finish.

Remember, you need to build tension that will be released later as an orgasm. The more tension you build, the more likely she will be to have an orgasm.

  • Start with the Make and Break Cunnilingus Technique. This is the best cunnilingus technique for building up tension at the beginning of your journey.

  • Next, lick her vulva from bottom to top, while avoiding her clitoris, 5 times. On the sixth lick, press the tip of your tongue on the head of her clitoris for a few seconds. Repeat this step, increasing the licks by one each time until you get to 10 licks.

Building Tension

Now that you’ve established a rhythm, it’s time to start really building up tension that will hopefully be released later as an orgasm. In these techniques, you’ll switch from your tongue to your fingers to create an array of amazing stimulation.

Tip: Place your free hand under her bottom so that you can squeeze both cheeks together. Use this hand to create a foundation for her bottom. This will allow you to keep up persistent contact between your mouth/fingers and her vulva.

Supercharge Your Technique

Now it’s time to kick it up a notch. Use these techniques to supercharge your cunnilingus technique. Mix and match these techniques for the best effect.

Pre-orgasm

What does pre-orgasm look like?

  • She is panting and her voice is shaky.

  • She closes her eyes and her nostrils are widened and she is unable to speak.

  • She stares at her husband.

  • Her ears turn red and her face is flushing.

  • Her hands and abdomen are warm.

  • Her language becomes almost unintelligible.

  • Her body is soft as jelly, and her limbs are droopy.

  • The pulses of her vulva become noticeable and her secretions are flowing more than ever.

  • Her inner labia will darken.

  • Her clitoral head will retract under her clitoral hood.

Now that your wife is near orgasm, her g-spot should be primed for stimulation. Her g-spot is part of the internal structure of her clitoris, and becomes easier to find and stimulate once she’s very aroused.

Use the Come-Hither Clasp Manual Technique to stimulate her g-spot. Use a few of the cunnilingus technique she enjoyed the most in the Supercharge Your Technique section (paying special attention to her clitoris) along with the Come-Hither Clasp technique to give her a “one-two punch” to finally bring her to orgasm.

An alternative to the Come-Hither Clasp Manual Technique is to use a G-Spot Vibrator to stimulate her g-spot while stimulating her clitoris with your tongue.

Allow her to close her legs and squeeze your head. This will allow her pelvic muscles to transition into an involuntary state of spasm. If her legs are too wide apart, she may not be able to orgasm at all.

Orgasm

Hopefully, the one-two punch of g-spot and clitoral stimulation is enough to release all of her stored sexual tension that was built up during cunnilingus in a glorious orgasm.

She Comes Again (and Again)

Why stop the fun after her first orgasm. Women have the amazing ability to have multiple orgasms. Now is the perfect time to switch to orgasm-inducing sex positions while she’s very aroused so she can come again and again

Now For him Fellatio

I have to give a shout out to all my sisters in Christ out there who really aren't sure how to give great oral sex, but really want to!  You are not alone.

We need to do away with this crazy assumption that a wife will automatically know how to make oral sex an incredible experience for her guy.

No one becomes an expert without a little trial and error, and this is as true with oral sex as it is with anything else.

It's like cooking an incredible meal -- even if you follow a recipe, along the way you learn how to add your own nuances and adjustments to make him crave it even more.

Here are 6 insights on orally pleasing your husband:

1. Come to bed clean (both of you!)

Concerns about cleanliness can make husbands and wives wary about oral sex.  The solution?  Tell your husband that you really want to offer him oral sex, but you would love it if the two of you could shower together first.

I actually think showering together and coming to bed clean is a great precursor to any kind of sexual activity, but it especially makes oral sex more appealing.

Even if a shower together isn't an option, still express to him that cleanliness is a priority to making this fun.

2. Make sure he knows you want feedback.

With a tender, genuine and loving tone, before you even start, say to him things like...

"Tell me what feels good, okay?"

"I want this to be really enjoyable for you."

"I don't exactly know what I'm doing, so you're going to have to help me learn."

Most husbands would die for their wife to humbly offer up that kind of attitude.

If your husband is like most husbands, he longs for you to not only desire him, but also to want to please him sexually.  Obviously it's in his best interest that you learn all there is about how to offer mind-blowing oral sex.

Invite him to be your teacher, and together you two will thoroughly enjoy sexual pleasure.

3. Heighten his arousal before you even put his penis in your mouth.

Anticipation is powerful, especially when it comes to sexual arousal.  Even if your husband is ready to go (if you know what I mean, which I think you do), there's no reason why you can't heighten the sensations a bit more.

Have him lay back and then take your time caressing his entire body with a good mix of light and firm touches and kisses.  Pay close attention to caressing and gently massaging his inner thighs, testicles, chest and neck.

And don't underestimate the way you can use your breasts to gently caress his entire body as well.

All of that foreplay focused solely on him increases the likelihood that when he does climax, it will be amazing.

4.  Use your mouth and tongue generously and creatively.

Here is where you most need his feedback. He is the only one who can help you understand what sensation on his penis feels the best.  He may like  you to suck, lick and/or circle the head of his penis with your mouth, tongue, lips.

He may want you to move your mouth up and down his penis quickly or at a slower pace.  He may want variety -- or he may want you to stick mostly with one motion that brings him intense gratificaiton.

Generally speaking, because of the number of nerves in the head of the penis, you have to pay close attention to what you are doing in that area.   Surprisingly, that doesn't always mean being super gentle.  Just like the clitoris, the head of the penis usually requires firmer and more stimulation to build sexual pleasure.

5. Use your hand as well.

When we think of a wife orally pleasing her husband, we tend to think the mouth and tongue are the only players on the field.

But I think you can increase his pleasure so much more if you also use your hand around the shaft of his penis, while you are using your mouth as well.

Again, you need his feedback.  Does he like a firm grasp and movement on his penis?  Does he want to feel your hand and mouth go down as far as possible?   Does he want your hand to wrap up and over the top of the head of his penis in a rhythmic motion?

The best oral sex usually has a bit of hand job thrown in as well, so don't be shy about using your hand.  The saliva from your mouth generally gives you enough lubrication to easily move your hand along the shaft of his penis.

6. When he is about to climax...

Okay, this is the struggle for a lot of women.  Should you receive and swallow as your husband ejaculates?   Or should you finish with your hand?  Or should you receive the fluid in your mouth but then spit it out?

I can't answer this for you.  I think what is key, though, is that whatever you do, make sure it isn't going to be disruptive to him enjoying the experience.

Abrupt changes right before he climaxes may diminish his sexual pleasure. This shouldn't be too hard for us as wives to relate to.

Think about that moment right before you have an orgasm -- at that moment, the last thing you want is to have a sudden change in what is actually making you climax, right?   It's the infamous "cliff of pleasure" you're about to plunge over -- once you are starting to go over, you want to go over with full freedom and enjoyment.

Your husband wants that as well when he is about to climax.

So when it comes to ejaculation, you and your husband should talk before sex even begins so you are prepared for what is going to happen in that moment.

Some husbands find it very loving and affirming that their wife would swallow, but I know that's not going to work for every woman.   Some women have stronger gag reflexes, and obviously there's nothing sexy about gagging (or worse) as your husband climaxes.

Guys, if you are reading this (who am I kidding? you saw the headline.  you are reading this)…  please be sensitive to the fact your wife may have a hard time swallowing.

Consider having a towel nearby in case swallowing is not a good option.

On the flip side, though, wives if you think you can give swallowing a try -- your husband would probably really like this.

                           What bout anal sex in marriage

       

What does the Bible say about anal sex?

 

The Bible does not say anything about anal sex between and husband and wife in marriage. The same situation also exists regarding self-masturbation and oral sex in marriage. However, there are biblical principles that provide some guidelines. First we will examine evidence provided by psychologists and medical authorities and conclude by looking at what the Bible says about anal sex in marriage.

Advice of Psychologists

Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner are international sexual therapists, educators, and authors. Joyce Penner is a registered nurse and holds a master’s degree in psychosomatic nursing and nursing education from UCLA. Dr. Clifford is a clinical psychologist, earned an M.A. in theology from Fuller Theological Seminary and holds a Ph.D. from Fuller’s Graduate School of Psychology. They write the following about anal sex in their highly rated book about sex in marriage,

Anal sex, the penis entering the woman’s anus, is dangerous. The anus is highly contaminated, whereas the reproductive tract is sterile in men and clean in women. When the penis enters the anus, there is high risk of infections and prostate problems. If the penis enters the vagina after having been in the anus, the woman’s reproductive tract can easily become infected. In addition, the rectum is not designed for entry and thrusting. The small blood vessels along the wall of the anus and rectum break. We do not recommend anal sex.[1]

Dr. Douglass E. Rosenau is a licensed psychologist, marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. He writes this about anal sex,

One of the obsessions I commonly encounter is anal sex. The vaginal tissue, with its lubrication and muscle, was designed for childbirth and intercourse, but the anus was not. The anus was meant to push out waste, not sustain vigorous thrusting. With hemorrhoids and the fragility of the rectal tissue, it is better not to make it an organ of sexual play. Also, the many bacteria in the anus can interfere with the bacteria in the vagina and cause infections. Let go of your fetishes and obsessions, so they don’t destroy your ability to really have fun.[2]

Contrary to the current and increasing popularity of anal sex, these professionals warn against having anal sex. They warn of damage to the wife’s anus and infection to her genitals. Objective studies have demonstrated anal sex rarely results in orgasm for the wife and often results in pain, discomfort, infection and bleeding.

Advice of Medical Authorities

The highly regarded medical website WebMD also agrees with the above  comments when it states this about anal sex,

An estimated 90% of men who have sex with men and as many as 5% to 10% of sexually active women engage in receptive anal intercourse.

 Often referred to simply as anal sex, anal intercourse is sexual activity that involves inserting the penis into the anus. People may engage in anal intercourse, which has health risks, because the anus is full of nerve endings, making it very sensitive. For some recipients of anal sex, the anus can be an erogenous zone that responds to sexual stimulation. For the giving partner, the anus may provide a pleasing tightness around the penis.

While some people find anal sex enjoyable, the practice has downsides and requires special safety precautions.[3]

It is important to note several facts. First, anal sex is primarily a male-with-male activity and not a male-with-female activity (see first paragraph). Second, health risks are cited once again. Third, anal sex provides pleasure to the male because the penis is squeezed more tightly by the anus muscle which increases the male’s pleasure during orgasm. If a wife finds anal sexual activity objectionable, she could consider Kegel exercises to strength her vaginal muscles to provide greater pleasure to her husband during intercourse. Finally, WebMD warns against anal sexual activity and adds that special safety precautions should be followed if two people engage in anal sexual activity.

These authorities clearly reveal that anal sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is not only risky and not recommended, but they clearly state that the anus was not designed for entry by the penis. God designed the vagina for the penis. We will revisit this conclusion later.

Anal Sexual Intercourse in the Bible

The term “anal sex” or “anal sexual intercourse” does not occur in the Bible. Anal sex historically has been included in the definition of the word “sodomy.” The term “sodomy” includes both anal and oral sexual intercourse.[4] The highly regarded Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines sodomy as,

Any form of sexual intercourse with a person of the same or opposite sex, except for copulation: spec. anal intercourse.[5]

It should be noted that the dictionary defines copulation as physical union of male and female genitals (penis in vagina). Therefore, the definition states that sodomy is any form of non-vaginal intercourse, and more specifically to anal sex. Consequently, sodomy includes the insertion of the penis into the anus of either a male or female.

The word “sodomy” can be traced back to the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19) where it is clear from Genesis 19 that the men of the city wanted to engage in sexual activity with two angels. When Lot offered the men of the city his two daughters, the men rejected his offer (Genesis 19:6-11). They wanted the two angels. Historically, it has been understood that the men of the city did not want to have vaginal sexual intercourse. Instead, they wanted to have an orgasm by oral and/or anal sex activity.

Later in Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 God gives a warning that clearly prohibits male-with-male sexual activity.

You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination. Leviticus 18:22 (NASB)

If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them. Leviticus 20:13 (NASB)

Later in Judges 19:22-25 we read this,

While they were celebrating, behold, the men of the city, certain worthless fellows, surrounded the house, pounding the door; and they spoke to the owner of the house, the old man, saying, “Bring out the man who came into your house that we may have relations with him.” Then the man, the owner of the house, went out to them and said to them, “No, my fellows, please do not act so wickedly; since this man has come into my house, do not commit this act of folly. “Here is my virgin daughter and his concubine. Please let me bring them out that you may ravish them and do to them whatever you wish. But do not commit such an act of folly against this man.” But the men would not listen to him. Judges 19:22-25 (NASB)

Verse 23 reveals that this activity is described as “wickedly.” Verses 24-25 clearly reveal that sexual activity between two males is a sin. The same message is repeated in the New Testament (1 Corinthians 6:9; 1 Timothy 1:10).

In Jude 7, we read,

. . . just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire. Jude 7 (ESV)

The verse clearly indicates that Sodom and Gomorrah engaged in sexual activity that God condemned.

In summary, the Bible condemns anal sexual activity between males, but Scripture never explicitly condemns such behavior between a  husband and wife.

Anal Sex Between a Husband and Wife

Therefore does this mean that anal sexual activity between a husband and wife is okay? Maybe the clearest passage in the Bible about anal sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is Romans 1:26-27.

For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. Romans 1:26-27 (NASB)

This is an important passage since God condemns the unnatural use of the woman. What is the natural use of the women? The Greek word that is translated as “natural” is physikos and it means “produced by nature, inborn.”[6, 7] The Greek for “function ” is chresis and it refers “to sexual use of a woman”[8] or “the sexual function.”[9] What is being described is natural sexual intercourse or vaginal sexual intercourse. God’s design for the male and female reproductive systems is reproduction or having children. That is the natural function of sexual relations. Therefore, we should understand that this verse is primarily referring to sexual intercourse (vaginal intercourse) between a husband and wife as being natural, as opposed to sexual activity between two men or between two women. Secondarily, the verse refers to vaginal intercourse as God’s design for sexual activity. That is the natural use of the woman. This is an important distinction.

Earlier, it was stated, “These authorities clearly reveal that anal sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is not only risky and not recommended, but they clearly state that the anus was not designed for entry by the penis. God designed the vagina for the penis.” That is, anal sexual activity is not natural and both Scripture and both psychological and medical professionals agree. This is contrary to the opinion of the popular trend of our cultures.

 

Conclusion:

Therefore, while the Bible does not explicitly and specifically condemn anal sexual activity (penis in the anus) between a married husband and wife, it is concluded that anal sexual activity may not be a sin between a married female and male. Yet, it is recommended that anal sexual activity be avoided based on Romans 1:26-27 and the advice of the authorities quoted above. I add that anal sex can be seen as being unnatural.

Sex Facts

                              Sex Toys...yes or no?
This is another controversial sex issue that many couples ask about. Now I will just make a brief comment then share from two sources that provides very good advice, I don't need to reinvent the wheel. I'll personally say this much that ultimately no one, no pastor, bishop, counsellor etc. has the right to dictate what a married couple does in privacy. Also when we are asked for advice we must not pass off our personal preferences, or positions as biblical doctrines. I also believe that Christian couples should pray together and ask the Holy Spirits' guldance for any issue yes inclusing exxual issues, trust me He will guide you. Also couples should never be selfish about sex and giving mutual pleasure should not be dependent always on a toy or aid.  Having said that, here are the articles, read, discuss and pray, then make your decision as the Holy Spirit leads you as a couple.Don't feel guilty just because of what someone says, know what He is saying to you personally. Go to the links and read the articles.
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-q-and-a/relationships-and-marriage/sex-toys 
https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2011/11/wifey-wednesday-can-christians-use-sex-toys/
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